Lessons Learned

Hi

This is going to be quite a self-reflective post today but I think it's important to reflect on our lives and wellbeing and mental health from time to time, especially when major life events take place.

Robbie and I split up fairly recently - I'd say about 6 weeks or so ago. Of course when these things happen,  you go through different emotions and look back on the relationship, on your part in it and consider whether things could have been different. It's a well known fact that women are particularly prone to this in comparison to men. I have had the odd reflective period where I consider who Robbie and I were as a couple and who I was in the relationship and I have come to the conclusion that when I'm with someone, I forget who I am, I forget the things that I like and don't like and I don't always stand up for myself -- I don't mean that to sound as if Robbie was bullying me, he would never do that, I mean in the silly moments like when you want to go to the cinema and he doesn't, or when you don't want to buy orange juice from concentrate (because let's face it, it tastes awful!) but he does. I give my all to the other person, I'm incredibly loyal and I would do anything for them. 

It's like that line in Eat Pray Love, and I'm paraphrasing here because I can't find it in the book to quote it fully but "if I'm with you, you can have all of me". Am I allowed to quote or paraphrase in my blog? I'm not quite sure on the laws of these things. Oh hang on!! I found it!!

"If I love you, I will carry for you all your pain, I will assume for you all your debts (in every definition of the word), I will protect you from your own insecurity, I will protect upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never actually cultivated in yourself and I will buy Christmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun check and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else." 

That is me. Apart from the becoming infatuated with someone else because I've never been one for moving straight from one man to another.  Anyhow, a thought occurred to me earlier: to stop forgetting who you are in a relationship, should you be in one to learn that lesson or should you discover your strength first before you let someone in? I think the latter but it would be interesting to be with someone and grow like that, to learn to remember yourself.   

I consider myself to be a work in progress, I know I have a lot of work to do when it comes to self esteem and other things but I think I need to learn to love myself before I love someone else. I may well be single for a loooong time but I'm prepared to wait!! In the meantime, I'm a lucky girl; I have great friends, I meditate, I practice yoga and I live in a great part of London. Always count your blessings :)

Well, that's my 10 cents for the day. I'm off to visit Vicky in Ipswich tomorrow for the long weekend so no doubt we'll be watching to Royal Wedding tomorrow and then we'll have some other stories to report back with. Hope you have a great weekend!!

xx

p.s. I've been listening to Don McLean a lot lately -- Vincent is one of my favourite songs of all time. I suggest you get onto youtube instantly and look for the live recording!!

Monday Fatigue

Hey hiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

I have total Monday fatigue today. I also call it Silent Monday (as of just now) because I mostly can't be bothered to speak to anyone and Charlie isn't here to entertain me so I'm pretty sure the guys at work think that I'm a mute unless I'm in her presence. Which is prolly true but anyways.

I think though, I've just heard the funniest saying of the week which is a big statement in itself because it's only day one. One of the guys just told me that leaving filing to pile up "becomes like a really bad case of constipation" which considering I would put "filing" under my "shit jobs" list then he's closer to the mark than he thinks!!

This weekend was awesome, I had my hair cut fairly short so it's feeling fresh and lovely and then R and I went to Canterbury for the day yesterday and had a really lovely time walking around the city and we checked out the cathedral which is awesome. Truly awesome. Such a spectacular sight and if you just think of the craftmanship that went into it all those years ago, it's not like modern times where you put up some scaffolding and create something in a few months out of pre-fabricated bricks and mortar (ok I am exaggerating slightly there but you get what I mean), this was handcrafted from limestone over a long long time. Could you imagine anyone building something over a period of years nowadays which would still be standing in thousands of years to come?

I don't know why I still refer to R as R considering I call Charlie Charlie so from now I will name R by his... name... which is Robbie. We love Robbie we do. :)

Anyyyywayyyyysss... It's only 37 minutes til hometime and NO I am not counting.

Buh bye!

xx

Bloglovin!

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Hey!

I've just signed up to Bloglovin through one of the blogs I love love love... I just found it recently, it's Ring My Bell by Ashley Madekwe, she's an actress/model/Dedicated Follower of Fashion (name the band!!), I kinda just like reading about her escapades and seeing how perdy she looks in her outfits... Anyway if you click the link above it does magical things. I'm not quite sure what they are yet but try it and see!! :)

Byeeee! xx

Photys

The Latest

Hi!

Ok I will may regret admitting to this but I think it's something that a lot of ladies out there can relate to... When I'm on my own just chilling out, surfing the net or whatever... Sometimes, sometimes, I'll just take my bra off and let it all hang out. With a top on of course! It's not like I sit there topless going about my business. But sometimes wearing a bra is just the biggest pain in the ass and it's nice to be free and let the ladies have some time out of prison. They'll have to do time again when I go outside later but in the privacy and comfort of my own home, yup, that's what I do.

Annnyyyywaaaaaayyyy, I just re-read my Happy New Year! post and I'm feeling a little bit pleased with myself (feels a bit wrong to be smug...but what the hell!! :)) I have signed up to a Vedic Meditation course with Charlie from work (she's ace), I'm on a one-woman mission to make my brain better so have taken up running as well as still practicing yoga and am trying to eat healthful food, though I will admit I am only human and have a sweet tooth, so do still eat a bit of chocolate but I am going to phase it out because sugar is just so SO bad for you. I still have some work to do on studying yoga properly but I think my main struggle is that I'm not enjoying the course as much as I thought I would so it's hard to motivate yourself when you feel that way. But I will still persevere!!

Finally, I'm still working on Want and Need. You really have to be constantly alert and think hard about it when you're out and about. When it's become a natural habit for you NOT to think about whether you want or need something, it takes a lot of willpower to train your brain to consider everything carefully. It's all just about changing your mindset and slowly it becomes second nature.

Anyway, that's all for now. My best friend is visiting this weekend (YAY!) so I may post some pics of our adventures another time.

Bye! :)

Hectic

Hey

The last few weeks have been hectic, I've been going here, there and everywhere, seeing R, visiting friends, working, volunteering, making birthday gifts and birthday cards. I'm going to Bath for some training tomorrow and then the weekend is filled with the yoga course (for which I need to make some food), seeing R, and then it starts all over again! Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining as I've been having a lot of fun but I'm looking forward to a quiet weekend soon!!

R has given up smoking and is in his third week which he is finding really difficult. He said he always finds day 3, week 3 and month 3 the hardest so a lot of patience is required on both our parts. I know he can do it, he's amazingly dedicated and achieves anything that he puts his mind to, it's just getting through it that seems hard. It will all be worth for the health and the financial savings alone, but mostly the health!! I remember when my papa quit smoking a few years ago, he was really ratty (!) but got through it and he saved £1,000 in about a year. Isn't it amazing that something that a lot of people enjoy that is so bad for you can cost so much!!

Right, I have to get back to reading my yoga book and making a gift for my friend's birthday. She doesn't read this blog so I can safely tell you that I'm making her a jar of lavender bath salts and plain bath/body salts in different layers with a little dishing spoon and decorated nicely with a ribbon!!

Bye for now!!

Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year!!

I hope Christmas and the new year period was full of joy and it wasn't the stressful time year of most people find it to be!!

I gave a little thought to what I want to achieve in 2011 and decided on a few things:

1. Get my butt in gear and study yoga properly!!

2. Learn to meditate.

3. Make my brain well.

4. Eat well - healthy body, healthy mind and all that.

5. Um...I think that's it.

This year is going to be about making myself healthy in mind, body and spirit. I also want to be conscious of the difference between "need and want". So if I'm in the supermarket or considering buying a new dress, is it something I NEED or WANT? If I need it, then ok, go ahead. If I want it then forget it. I've spent too many years being overly frivolous and buying things I don't need when I could save that money and put it towards bigger and better things.

I was reading horoscopes for the year with one of the girls from work yesterday and mine said it's going to be a fairly tough year and that someone or something is going to try to steal my man. In the words of friend from work... Don't let that bitch!!!

In other news, I have a new favourite website: www.cuteoverload.com. It's seriously cute TO THE MAX. Check it out. It's mainly full of cute, fluffy animals but I'm a sucker for them, especially kittens and puppies. It's because they're small. I like small things.

Anyhoo... First post of 2011, hopefully I'll keep it up this year.